Management Course‏

[littlehoney999]

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> Lesson
> 1:
>
> A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is
> finishing up her shower, when the doorbell
> rings.
>
> The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs
> downstairs.
>
> When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door
> neighbor.
>
> Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you
> $800 to drop that towel.'
>
>
> After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and
> stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands
> her $800 and leaves.
>
>
> The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back
> upstairs.
>
> When she gets to the
> bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was
> that?'
>
> 'It was Bob the next door neighbor,' she
> replies.
>
> 'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything
> about the $800 he owes me?'
>
>
>
> Moral of the story:
>
> If you share critical information pertaining to credit and
> risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a
> position to prevent avoidable exposure.
> >
>
> Lesson 2:
>
>
> A priest offered a Nun a lift.
>
> She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal
> a leg.
>
> The priest nearly had an accident.
>
> After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up
> her leg.
>
> The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm
> 129?'
>
> The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let
> his hand slide up her leg again.
> The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm
> 129?'
>
> The priest
> apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is
> weak.'
>
> Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily
> and went on her way..
>
> On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up
> Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you
> will find glory.'
>
> Moral of the story:
> If
> you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a
> great opportunity.
> >
>
> Lesson 3:
>
> A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are
> walking to lunch when they find an antique oil
> lamp.
>
> They rub it and a Genie comes out.
> The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one
> wish.'
> 'Me first! Me first!' says the
> admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a
> speedboat, without a care in the world.'
> Puff! She's gone.
>
> 'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want
> to be in Hawaii ,
> relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless
> supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my
> life.'
>
> Puff! He's gone.
>
> 'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the
> manager.
> The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office
> after
> lunch..'
>
>
> Moral of the story:
> Always let your boss have the first
> say..
>
> Lesson 4
>
>
> An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing
> nothing.
>
> A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also
> sit like you and do nothing?'
> The eagle answered: 'Sure, why
> not.'
>
> So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and
> rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the
> rabbit and ate it.
>
> Moral of the story:
> To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very,
> very high up. >
>
>
> Lesson
> 5 >

> A turkey was chatting with a bull.
>
> 'I would love to be able to get to the top of that
> tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the
> energy.'
> 'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my
> droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with
> nutrients.'
>
> The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually
> gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the
> tree.
>
> The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the
> second branch.
>
> Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly
> perched at the top of the tree.
>
> He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of
> the tree.
>
>
> Moral of the story:
> Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep
> you there..
>
>
>

> Lesson 6
>
>
> A
> little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so
> cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large
> field.
>
> While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some
> dung on him.
>
> As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize
> how warm he was.
>
> The dung was actually thawing him
> out!
>
> He lay there all warm and happy, and
> soon began to sing for joy.
> A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to
> investigate.
>
> Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the
> pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate
> him....
>
>
> Morals of the story:
> (1) Not everyone who shits on you is your
> enemy.
>
> (2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your
> friend.
>
> (3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to
> keep
> your mouth shut! >
>
> THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT
> COURSE