Some symptoms to detect that you're an email junkie:
1) You wake up at 03:00 at night to go to bathroom and on the way back to bed you go and see whether you get a new email !
2) You have a tattoo made, with the inscription "This body best viewed with Netscape Navigator 2.0 or higher" !
3) You name your children as Eudora, Mozilla and Dotcom !
4) You switch off your MODEM with the feeling that the world would break down in the next moment !
5) You decide to study one or two more years on account of getting a free internet access !
6) You begin to use smileys in your normal letter too !
7) You have a bad feeling because you haven't logged in for two hours !
8) You catch yourself writing "com" after every dot of a sentence !
9) You begin to introduce yourself as "Pete Gordon at AOL dot com" !
10) All of your friends have a @ in their names !
11) You don't know how you can reach your Mum because she doesn't have a MODEM !
12) You don't know any longer what gender your three best friends are... because they all have neutral alias names !
13) You tell the taxi driver that you are living in http://newstreet/houseNumber.11/NewYork.html !
14) You check your email box and get : "no new messages on server" ... you can't believe it and click on the "get mail" button again !
15) Every time you smile you bow your head 90 degree to a side ! ;-)
THINGS TO SAY IN THE BATHROOM STALL TO MAKE YOUR FELLOW STALLMATES LAUGH!! THIS IS REALLY FUNNY !!!1.Stick yor palm open under the stall wall and ask your neighbor,"May I borrow a highlighter?"
2.Say "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't put my lips on that."
3. Cheer and clap loudly everytime somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.
4. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."
5. Drop a marble and say, "Oh shit!! My glass eye!!"
6. Say "Damn, this water is cold."
7. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantelope into the toliet bowl from a high place, then Sigh relaxingly.
8. Say, "Now how did that get there?"
9. Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus."
10. Fill up a large flask with Mountian Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling,"Whoa ! Easy boy !!"
11. Say," Interesting....more sinkers than floaters"
12. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peaunt butter on a wad of toliet paper and drop under the stall wall of yourneighbor. Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here, please?
13. Say, "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me!!
14. Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot"
15. Say, "Damn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?"
16. Play a well known drum cadence over and oven again on your butt cheeks.
17. Before you unroll toliet paper, conspicusly lay down you "Cross- Dressors Anonymous"newsletter on the floor visiable to the adjacent stall.
18. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall and adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, "Peek-a-boo!"
19. Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing "Born Free"
Actual dialogue of an InTACT Customer Support Centre employee:
"InTACT Customer Support Centre,, this is XXX how may I help you?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with Word 6."
"What sort of trouble?"
"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
"Went away?"
"They disappeared."
"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
"How do I tell?"
"Can you see the C:\ prompt on the screen?"
"What's a sea-prompt?"
"Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
"What's a monitor?"
"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
"I don't know."
"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
"Yes, I think so."
"Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
"Yes, it is."
"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
"No."
"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find theother cable."
"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
"I can't reach."
"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
"No."
"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle-it's because it's dark."
"Dark?"
"Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
"Well, turn on the office light then."
"I can't."
"No? Why not?"
"Because there's a power outage."
"A power...A power outage? Aha! Okay, I know the problem now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
"Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
"Really? Is it that bad?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
"Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."
