Are Computers Male or Female?
As you are aware, ships have long been characterized as being female
(e.g., " Steady as she goes " or "She's listing to starboard, Captain !")
Recently, a group of computer scientists (all males) announced that
computers should also be referred to as being female. Their reasons
for drawing this conclusion follow: Five reasons to believe computers are Female:
1. No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers
is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. The message "Bad command or file name" is about as informative as,
"If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you."
4. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
5. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself
spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
However, another group of computer scientists, (all female) think that
computers should be referred to as if they were male. Their reasons
follow: Five reasons to believe computers are male:
1. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.
2. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they
ARE the problem.
3. As soon as you commit to one you realize that, if you had waited
a little longer, you could have obtained a better model.
4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
5. Big power surges knock them out for the rest of the night.
I'll take ten of those, please !!!!!!!!!!
A young men came to the counter at which Chirstmas cards were sold and asked the salesgirl behide it:
" Have you got anything sentimental?"
" Here's a lovely one," replied the salesgirl. " To The Only Girl I Ever Loved"
" That's fine. I'll take six - oh no - ten of those, please"
How innocent she is !!!!!!
Four-years-old Anna took a pen, a blank paper and drew something on it.
Then she came to her parents to show them her work. Taking a look at her
painting, they got very angry and their faces turned red like a tomato. Her
mother slapped brutely in her face. Her father asked her furiously:
- Tell me, Anna, where did you see this? Tell me, quick, right now.
- I.. I didn't do anything wrong... I saw it in...... mamy's sawing box.
- Non-sence. You liar. What is it?
- It's... it's.... it's... only a pair of scissors.
If you do not understand the story, pls feel free to ask me. I'll be happy
to send you the version in Vietnamese. It would be easier to understand.
Accident 1
A man from a small town was visiting the city . After asking directions from several persons with negative results , he spotted a policeman directing traffic at an intersection . Watching traffic carefully , he finally dashed between the passing cars to where the policeman stood .
Almost out of breath he said , "Can you please tell me how to get to city memorial hospital ?"
" That's easy," the policeman said ." You stand right where you are for about five minutes and an ambulance will be along to take you there
Divorce !
The judge was talking to the woman who wanted a divorce " You say in your complaint that you want to divorce your husband on ground of poor health . Would you please explain what you mean "
" It's very simple , your honor . I got sick of having him around the house"
the cocacola ... country !
There was a young man who went to travel by plane . In the plane , he of-ten nodded sleepily . Each time he startled awake he always asked the next person :
- What country we are over ?
then he calmly continued to sleep . One time when he startled wake , he saw the stewardess bringing a tray of beverages for the passengers , he asked :
- Please tell me what is the " water"?
The stewardess replied happily :
- Cocacola!
How could you do that !!!!!
A man came to a doctor to examine his belly. The doctor asked:
- What did you eat and drink yesterday?
- Drank wine and ate nuts.
- How much did you drink and eat?
- Two bottle of wine and 108 pieces of nuts.
- Non sense. How could you do that? Did you count exact number of nuts you ate when you were drinking?
- What else could I do when my wife was talking all the time
TNT !
Two young men were boasting about living long in their home village. One said:
- In my village a man in age of 90 can be punished by his father because of his being unrespectful to his grand-father.
The other said:
- In my village a girl in age of 80 is not allowed to get married because she is under age.
Twice in the right
Twice in the right.
The village headman was known for his peculiar sense of justice.
Oen day Cai and Ngo had a fist and the affair was brought to his notice . A cautious man , Cai took care to offer the official a bribe of five coins .He didn't know that his rival had presened the man in authority with double that amount .
The headman handed down his sentense :
Cai , you his Ngo .It's an assault and battery . You'll receive ten lashes".
Cai was sure that the official had forgotten about his present .To remind him of it , he opend his hand in a gesture that showed his five fingers and said :
"Sir , please remember the facts. I was in the right".
Imperturbed, the headman opened both his hands, and with his ten fingers in full view of both parties, tersely answerd:
"Yes , I know. But Ngo was twice as right ."
Funny 1: teacher & pupil
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.
The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"
"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself
Funny 2: In the bank
A young woman went into a bank to withdraw some money.
"Can you identify yourself?" asked the bank clerk.
The young woman opened her handbag, took out a mirror, looked into it and said, "Yes, it's me alright."
Do not get maried with these four kinds of girl
There are four kinds of women you should not get married with:
- Air stewardess: because she always prefers uper position, you man must be under her everytime.
- Teacher: she always thinks you are doing a wrong way, and repeatedly asks you to "do it again, do it again".
- Nurses: whenever she meets you, she commands "take off your pants" (for injection).
- Bus girl (who sell bus ticket on the car): with any man, she says: "come in, come in, please".
Just for Joke 64
A lady driver was breaking just about every rule of the road,
and made a turn from the wrong lane into the wrong street. A policeman
whistled at her. She refused to stop. The policeman finally caught up
with her and asked, "Didn't you hear me whistle?"
The lady driver said, "When I'm driving, I don't flirt!"
